When I shared this post, it was meant to inspire, encourage and give you some trust in there being a better way. And, for some, it did that. But for others, you were left confused or you disagreed with this line:
I believe that balance is bullshit and that if everyone would stop trying to achieve balance, they might see what they really want from their life.
When I say that, I am suggesting that you go deeper and define what it is you truly feel and what it is you truly want.
In my line of work, I often hear that anxiety is a cover emotions (I agree) and I feel the same way about balance. It has become one of those catch all terms that really doesn’t mean anything anymore.
Often times, a new client will come to me and say that one of their goals in working with me is to feel more balanced.
And I say:
Balance means nothings. Tell me, how you really want to feel?
This question is always an eye-opening one because it invites you to open your mind to what you really want from your life. And when you know what you want, it is much easier to actually achieve it.
This is why so many women lose weight only to gain it all back. Because it wasn’t thin they were after to start with. What they wanted was to love themselves, to feel confident and to feel worthy and valuable. And you don’t achieve that my grasping at thin.
You also don’t achieve that my grasping at balance.
Just like weight loss is something that happens naturally when you are truly taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, balance also happens naturally.
How do you really want to feel? What do you really want to do? And what do you really want to be?
What I am truly after is to feel peaceful. To feel inspired. To feel creative. To feel grateful. To feel abundant. To feel alive. To be intuitive. To love myself. To accept myself. To feel valuable. To feel worthy. To trust myself. To trust life.
And I learned and have achieved all that through a whole lot of “imbalance”.
Our hurts are our teachers. Our “hell and back” is where our wisdom lives. Our “mistakes” are our opportunities for growth. Our fuck ups are an invitation to go deeper. When you feel “imbalanced – ask yourself how you actually feel?
Tired? Lethargic? Empty? Exhausted? Uninspired? Sugar Coma?
Define that and you have your doorway into what you really want for your life.
How many times have you started on a diet only to end up on a binge?
How many times have you worked for days straight only to end up on the couch all weekend?
How many times have you surfed the web so long that you feel like burying your computer and iphone in the back yard?
(cough. cough.)
That is life.
Doing the balancing part for you.
And that will happen no matter what.
You might as well go ahead and define what you truly want because balance is only natural.
What do you really want and how do you define it?
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So if balance is natural, then is it really bullshit?
Or do you believe it is the pursuit of balance that is bullshit?
Once again, one of your posts artuculates so well the jumble of thoughts in my head that aren’t quite formulated yet.
To me, what ‘balance’ means is that I don’t want to feel like I’m always running to catch up with my life. I don’t want to feel like I’m always existing on fumes, always feeling like I NEED an escape or a vacation. I just want to be able to handle my busy and my crazy with strength.
That’s my balance. I’m getting there.
Right, which is why the original sentence says what it does.
And so when you feel that way, what is life actually trying to tell you?
Oh, lots of things I think. First, it’s trying to tell me that what I’m eating and drinking isn’t FUELING me. It’s also telling me that I’m not giving my body any way of letting go of stress or anxiety – like with exercise, for instance. It is telling me I’m not saying ‘NO’ enough – to tasks or activities or things that keep me too busy to focus on my priorities. And that I’m not letting people help enough. Because I always think I have to do things myself in order to get them done right. And I have to do things right to get approval from people.
I don’t know. That’s a start. Is that a start?
Girlfriend, that is more than a start. That is IT. And where you go from here is up to you.
LOVE this post! LOVE that you said what I am feeling. I feel like I have been chasing this “balance” that I have never found.
I want more than balance. I am learning what that all means…to me! I am learning and growing to be the me I am meant to be.
thanks christie….you have a great way with words that are in my head!
XOXO
<3 you, my dear.
Wow! This makes a lot of sense. I am also one of those people who have been pursuing balance for a long time and never quite getting there. It’s like perfection – something we will never achieve through striving.
You’re on fire, Christie!
You are on fire, my dear. <3
I can agree…balance is bullshit!
You either do something or don’t but either way it has to work for you and beating yourself up about “not doing something” isn’t going to get you more balance.
Sometimes its hard to figure out what we want but if we can own up to it the rewards can be amazing.
Great Post!
I wrote a post about balance a few weeks ago (http://www.kclanderson.com/in-search-of-balance) and in it I quoted Khalil Gibran’s The Prophet. One line stood out to me: Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
I wrote: “We’re not meant to stay in one place physically, emotionally, or spiritually. It’s right and natural to be fluctuating at all times. We strive for the goal weight, we strive for peace and calm, we strive for health, we strive for balance. But what I take from this is that we’re meant to be off balance, at least slightly, until we’re no longer inhabiting our bodies. And so I embrace the changes in my body, whether my weight is up or down, and strive for “slightly up or down.”
So in essence, balance only comes in death.
This post made me question what balance is for me: It isn’t static, it is not something to be arrived at, it is constant motion and change and adjustment. If I go very far in one direction, talking about in this instance, diet – ie I eat a whole cake one day – then the next I eat a lot of salad. I don’t beat myself up about anything, I make the adjustment…..the one my body tells me to take because I feel a bit sick! It is I think called self acceptance.
I’ve said that for years that I need is balance and I would be happy. Then one day it occurred to me that balance is a by-product of something else. You can never really attain balance…you may be able to for a little while, but something will always knock this off kilter. We have to always be making adjustments and learning and living and by doing this we will have a sense of a more balanced life, but we will never truly master balance…it’s just not the way it works:)
I love this post, and it clears up a lot of the confusion I have about your original balance statement.
What I really want is to live my life with passion, to be in charge of my own schedule and to stop wasting my time with things that drain me. I want to fully embody my purpose and for my life to be a work of art. The only reason I’m struggling for “balance” is because I feel like I have to revive myself and my creativity after every shift, to stuff my free hours full of passion to balance my full-time job until I can support myself with my purpose.
I really want to feel control. And having balance, wouldn’t that make that happen?
No.
See, the “struggling” part? I’m suggesting you give up the struggle.
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