As a coach, one of the areas in which I excel is teaching my clients how to feel their feelings. And, like my other skills as a coach, they derived from taking what I have learned about emotions and trying it out in my own life to find what works and what doesn’t.
I know what it is like to be told to “just feel your feelings” and think what a crock of shit that is. I mean, what the fuck does that mean? Right?
The first time I heard that, I didn’t really understand the role of emotions or how they came to be. Truthfully, I think I was still in denial that emotions had anything to do with my relationship with food. I was still in that “yeah, yeah, feelings schmeelings, that doesn’t apply to me, I just like food” stage.
I’d also spent a lot of time in therapy. I mean, wasn’t that feeling my feelings?
But, telling your stories and feeling your feelings isn’t the same thing.
In fact, for many people, when you ask them how they feel they will answer you with a thought, not a feeling:
I feel like I just can’t stop {insert whatever here}.
I feel like nothing I ever do is right.
I feel fat.
All thoughts.
Those thoughts lead to actual feelings – like hopeless, disappointment, dis-empowered, sadness and shame. And those feelings are experienced in your body – maybe in your chest, your throat or your eyes – and when allowed, will flow through you bringing a sense of release. You know that cleansed feeling you get after a really, long hard cry? That is a sign that the emotion flowed all the way through.
Feeling your feelings means sit down (stand, lie down, whatever) and allow the sensation you experience in your body to flow through.
But when you avoid those emotions and ignore then, you get caught in a spin cycle of negative thinking. Which perpetuates negative feelings. Which perpetuates unwanted behaviors and outcomes. And this can go on for hours, days, weeks, months, or even years.
Your feelings are a direct line to show you what you are thinking.
When they come up, you have a choice to make. You can repress them (with food). You can take them out on other people. Or, you can feel them and figure out why you feel that way.
The good news is that you get to choose.
