I’ve decided to start a Straight Talk Series (see below on how to get your questions answered!) where I will be answering your questions and here is the first question I received on my facebook page:
i was out with some friends…and everyone is on a diet…one was on this dukan diet, it’s mad!! but it’s so hard to resist the pull to diet and also hard to argue eloquently in the face of such conviction!
First things first, believing you need to argue is where your pain is. You don’t have to “resist the pull” or “argue eloquently”.
Those are choices and you get to decide.
And if it isn’t the choice you want to make, then I’d recommend you first get clear on your beliefs, thoughts and feelings.
It is important to understand that what your friends are doing has nothing to do with what you are doing.
Other people don’t make you think, feel or do anything.
That pull you feel is coming from inside of you and what you believe about the results of dieting and/or being accepted by your friends.
Taking responsibility for that is the first step.
The good news is that when you take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings and behaviors, you get your power back.
And stepping into your power is where it’s at.
From there, you dig into what it is you believe about dieting and your weight. And perhaps what you believe about the friendships and fitting in.
You get to decide how to think and feel about everything - including dieting, your weight and relationships.
So, here are some good questions to dig around in:
Why do I feel the need to depend myself here?
What do I believe will happen if I go on a diet and lose weight?
What does being the weight I am say about me?
What am I afraid will happen if I don’t lose weight?
Why does what my friends are doing matter so much to me?
What am I afraid will happen if I stand up for what I believe with my friends?
And what is so bad about that?
Why am I choosing to believe these things?
How does it feel to think and believe all of these things?
If it feels good, keep on keeping on.
But, if it feels like shit, that is a crystal clear sign that you are believing something that isn’t true for you. Going into these types of things where you are reacting to negative beliefs, thoughts and feelings rather than responding from a “clean” place is where most people get into trouble.
And if you feel the need to defend and argue, you aren’t coming at it from a clean place.
From a clean place, you can set boundaries and have meaningful conversations that come from love, not fear. And what you find on the other side of that is more fulfilling and rewarding relationships that are built on honesty and authenticity.
You get to be you. They get to be them.
No defending. No arguing.
Just the truth.
